A new day a new post

I remember now why it took me 8 years to get back into the dating game. Breaking up sucks and when you truly invested yourself in and loved someone else for multiple years, when its over it f'n sucks. Although I tend to make it through the days just fine, its the evenings and nighttimes that are the worst. I cry alot. We still talk some, and everytime we talk I feel that he is blowing me off. That only makes it worse. Of course, now he has this girl who has unfortunately not an ounce of self-respect moving herself into his place and throwing herself at him (she's been doing that for years) and it just makes it so hard. She is downright pathetic, cleaning his house, spending money on him, doing anything he wants. You should hear the way he talks about her and how he has talked in the past about her. It makes me think less of him as a person for treating someone that way.

I miss Taz, his dog. I love that little guy. I miss seeing his family. I think its been worse lately because I think about all the holidays I will miss out on. The Fourth of July is this weekend and we always had a few things to do every year. Last 4th of July out at his grandpa's farm we had 3D glasses, it was fun. It kills me to think that he might be bringing her there. That she gets to enjoy one grandma's food or go out to his other grandpa's farm and watch fireworks. Like we used to.

I know this is for the best. I know all the reasons and they are good reasons for both of us. It doesn't make it hurt less. It doesn't make me miss all the great things about us. It doesn't make me miss the fun, the silliness, being able to talk about anything, making plans, sharing my day with him, sharing my bed with him, sharing my family, friends, and life with him.

I know someday I will find someone else, but until then, it hurts.

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